


Phan- 15 Song Prompt

by aroacewritingplace



Category: Phan
Genre: 15, Amazingphil - Freeform, Cute, M/M, Phan - Freeform, Sad, Song prompts, because i'm choosing from a depressing playlist, danisnotonfire - Freeform, oh well, probably a lot of depressing stuff, relationship, song challange
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-06-01
Updated: 2016-06-14
Packaged: 2018-07-11 14:10:49
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 3,483
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7055776
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aroacewritingplace/pseuds/aroacewritingplace
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>I've chosen 15 songs, and I'll write a short Phan story for each of them. Probably a lot of sad stuff.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Song List

**Author's Note:**

> Song list <3

Song List!

 

Three Days Grace- Never Too Late

 

Bring Me The Horizon- Doomed

 

Set It Off- I Think It's Arrogance

 

Halsey- Coming Down

 

Paradise Fears- Say My Name

 

Linkin Park- Roads Untraveled

 

Black Veil Brides- Saviour

 

Set It Off- I'd Rather Drown

 

Panic! At The Disco- Bittersweet

 

Paradise Fears- Reunion

 

Hollywood Undead- Another Way Out

 

Fall Out Boy- Novocaine

 

Imagine Dragons- Demons (Cover by: Sam Tsul and Max)

 

The Red Jumpsuit Apparatus- Face Down (acoustic)

 

Foals- London Thunder

 

I made a playlist!!! 

https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLwI1sFrv0pGgsIdwYTBLDCtPKPR4z-MfK

 

COMING SOON!

(I promise ok)


	2. Three Days Grace- Never Too Late

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Even if I say it'll be alright, still I hear you say you want to end your life."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> lmao i didn't even follow the song for this. But that's ok because it's supposed to prompt me, it's not a guideline for me to follow.
> 
> oh yea EXTREME TRIGGER WARNING BECAUSE MANY SUICIDAL THOUGHTS AND ATTEMPTED SUICIDE AND DON'T READ THIS PLEASE IF YOU GET TRIGGERED BY THIS OKAY <3

****

Shuddering breaths flew from Dan’s chest. His knees were clutched against his chest, and he rocked back and forth against the tile floor, ignoring the discomfort it brought to him. He couldn’t feel it anyways.

  
  


_**You think your fans really love you? Think that they care about what you post.** _

  
  


His wrists and thighs were littered with scars, a mix of fresh and old ones. White lines stretched across skin, mixing with dark red ones. Bandages were scattered haphazardly over the cuts, as if they weren’t even trying to hide the cuts anymore. As if he didn't care

  
  


_**You think that you’ll actually be successful? That this channel will go anywhere?** _

  
  


Dan tugged up the long sleeves that hung over his hands, the scars glaring at him, dizzying him. On the floor, glinting in the lights that the bathroom provided. Next to it, a few bottles of pills stood. One was tipped over, spilling pills across the floor.

 

_**You think that you can do something useful? You think that you’re useful? You aren’t. You don’t belong here. No one loves you. No one cares , for you.** _

  
  


_Phil,_ Dan thought, a sudden moment of clarity. _Phil cares for me._

Then that thought was blown away, replaced with darker ones.

  
  


_**Phil doesn’t care for you either.** _

  
  


It wasn’t the first time these thoughts had penetrated his mind, but it still hurts just as much, as though a fresh wound was being reopened.

  
  


_**He pretends to like you,** _

  
  


A bitter laugh escapes from Dan’s throat as the words sunk deep into him, resonating a chord.

  
  


_**But he’s not your friend. It’s all pretend. You’re all by yourself.** _

  
  


Tears ran down Dan’s eyes as he desperately tries to convince himself that _no, Phil’s still my friend,_ but it was to no avail. All he could see was the razor on the floor, and the spilled bottle of pills. And his worthless life.

What had he achieved, anyways? _Nothing,_ he thought spitefully. A hand shot out, shakily grabbing a razor. The already spilled bottle of pills was knocked away even further, sending the small pellets skittering further across the tiles.

He was very alone, wasn't he?

“I don't belong here,” he whispered to himself. “I don't belong here.” The razor trembled in his fingers, and he nearly dropped the blade. “I want it to end.” His eyes shut, and he was rocking himself back and forth. “I want it to end. I don't belong here.” Tears dripped off the edge of his nose, spilling over his bent head. His hair hung in his eyes, so that he could just see the tears landing on the floor. Sobs shook his chest, as he leveled the razor over his wrist. The blade pierced flesh, but Dan was trembling too much, and it slipped from his fingers, clattering on the floor.

At that moment, Dan could hear the door of their flat creaking open, and Phil's voice calling out for him.

“Dan? Are you in here?”

Dan pressed one hand to his mouth, a desperate attempt to stifle the sobs that heaved their way through him. With his other hand, with the wrist that dripped dots of blood on the white tiles, he grabbed a handful of spilled pills, bringing them closer to his mouth.

_**enditenditendit.**_ The words repeated themselves over and over in his mind, but his other hand wouldn't budge, he was frozen in fear. A few pills spilled over his shaking palm and clattered to the floor, each one sounding as loud as a gunshot.

“Dan?” Phil's voice again rang out again, closer this time.

_**Enditenditenditenditendit.**_ Louder still, the noise grew, a deafening cacophony of noises in his head, telling Dan that his life is pointless, end it, end it-

But he is afraid.

Dan released a gasp, one loud enough the echo throughout the walls of the bathroom, loud enough to be head by Phil, Dan can hear him running down the hall, shoes clapping against wooden floors. Sobs wracked his body, Dan snatched the razor blade up in his hand again, but he couldn't bring himself to press the blade to his wrist, he couldn't bring himself to swallow the pills.

Phil stood in the door, but Dan can't stand to look up at his face, to see the mix of horror and revulsion that is sure to be on Phil's face any instant. Dan only sobbed harder, the blade hovering an inch over his wrist, the pills in his hand gone and forgotten.

He felt a gentle hand around his shoulder, and then Dan was pulled roughly into a crushing hug by Phil. Both of them sobbed into each other, and Phil's shaking. His hands are wrapped firmly around Dan, pressing them both together. The blade has long since slipped from Dan's finger and clattered to the floor, and he wraps his arms around Phil as well. Their tears dripped onto the other's shirts, and they held each other, silently cradling each other.

Phil is swearing, louder and more than Dan has ever heard him. When they finally break apart, and move to be next to each other, Phil is still cursing. Tears drip fast down his cheeks, creating small wet droplets on his jeans. When he spoke, his voice was hoarse with sobs, and he only said one word.

“Why?”

Just that word, that one word, was nearly enough to send Dan into another round of tears. He couldn't speak for a moment, he choked on the repressed sobs for a couple of moments longer. Phil waited, staring sadly at the scattered pills and the razor with a small crust of dried blood on it. He looked at the scars on Dan's arms, his mind darkly imagining how many more lay on his thighs, how many secrets Dan had been keeping from him, how unobservant Phil must have had been.

And suddenly Phil felt like it's his fault, and he begins to sob again, but all that comes out is dry heaves, full of shock and disbelief that _this is happening, his best friend just tried to kill himself_ and he found himself shakily drawing a hand around Dan's shoulders, and pulling him close again. His tears only flow harder as his gaze falls upon the fresh cut on Dan's wrist, a few drops of blood still leaking from it.

After a while Dan speaks, his voice just as hoarse as Phil's. It's bitter, with an undertone that is dripped in sadness.

“I just wanted it to end. I'm so...” his hands flew up, fruitlessly searching for some word that he could not reach. “...tired of living. I didn't... I couldn't... I'm such a f-failure,” his words trail off into nothingness.

Almost like it was out of habit, Phil's hand has moved to Dan's hair, softly stroking the curling edges. “It's going to be okay. It's going to be okay,” he murmured words that neither of them believed, but it was a comforting thought for the moment.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hate myself for writing this aaAAAGH
> 
> anyways
> 
> Send me prompts on tumblr! 
> 
> https://invisible-blurryface-ok.tumblr.com/
> 
> Thank you for reading this, comments and kudos are always appreciated!! Love you! <3


	3. Bring Me The Horizon- Doomed

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "I think we're doomed."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> aaaa and hey another one that doesn't even follow the song.  
> whatever this is what came to my head so i just rolled with it.

Phil stared longingly out at the lush green forest that lined the property. The sun shone high above it, making the forest seemingly sparkle in the afternoon glow. Despite the ominous gray clouds that were ever so slowly rolling in, the forest looked as beautiful as it ever did.

“Mom?” Phil asked tentatively, turning his gaze away from the window to his mother, who moved erratically throughout the kitchen, working on some project that was unknown to Phil. “Can I... go out in the forest?” He feared his mother would say no, the clouds seemed to be moving a little faster now. Phil prayed she didn't. He had to get out to the forest, away from here.

His mother didn't look out at the sky, didn't bother to look away from what she was working on. “Sure,” she said flatly.

Phil smiled, muttering a quiet “thank you” as he tugged on his shoes. His father, from the living room, added the warning that followed every allowance into the forest.

“You better stay away from that goddamned Howell family. I don't want you crossing paths with them?” When Phil didn't respond immediately, his father shouted louder. “Do you hear me?”

“Yes,” Phil muttered tiredly, opening the door. The air was think and muggy, with the feel of an oncoming storm.

His father chuckled quietly from where he sat. “It's not like you're much better than them, though.”

Phil flinched as he closed the door behind him, as he stepped out of the house. He stared out into the greenery for a moment, at the approaching storm clouds that were slowly darkening the sky.

Then he began to run.

Through the forest, through a path worn away by months of travel. Eventually he slowed, pausing to push away a clump of bushes. He breathed heavily for a moment, winded by his sprint.

A soft hand closed over his, gently pulling Phil through the entranceway. He laughed quietly as he was wrapped in a hug by Dan Howell, who buried his nose in the crook of Phil's neck, holding him there.

“Hey.”

The first drops of rain began to fall, splattering them both with large droplets.

Phil huffed out a happy sigh as he released Dan, but he didn't let go of his hand. They walked over the to large tree that stood in the middle of this area, settling comfortably into the small indent, Dan cuddling into Phil's lap. Phil's arms encircled the younger boy, his head resting on top of Dan's brown locks. Dan's hands were on top of Phil's, rubbing circles into his hands.

It was raining harder now, but the large tree provided the perfect canopy, allowing only a few drops of rain to fall through, although none of them were able to land on Dan or Phil.

Every so often their positions would shift; Dan turning his head to kiss Phil on the cheek, Phil moving to press a kiss to Dan's neck. The two stayed like that in near silence, muttering quiet words that they could barely hear over the rain.

After a while the storm moved on, leaving behind the smell of wet, overturned earth.

“D'you think we should head back?” Phil finally asked, his words louder now.

Dan muttered something that Phil couldn't catch, and sighed. “Yeah.”

Phil wanted to stand up and stretch, but he felt paralyzed, trapped by Dan's warm embrace.

“Phil...” Dan moved in Phil's lap, turning to stare him straight in the eye. “How... how long are we going to do this?”

“What do you mean?” Phil said, suddenly wary.

“I mean,” Dan waved his arms. “This. Sneaking out to meet each other, lying, going behind our parents backs.”

“It's been working out for us pretty well so far,” Phil said, brow crinkling.

“Yeah, but...” Dan frowned. “It's just, our parents, they hate each other so much... do you think there's really a hope, a future... for us? We're pretty screwed.”

“I mean...” All the doubts and fears that Phil had been pushing away for years, hoping it would get better, they all came rushing back in an instant. “It's not that bad, is it?”

“I hate it,” Dan spat. “This feeling... this awful, constant guilt. I hate it. I hate it.”

Phil flinched, and Dan turned towards him, the bitter look on his face instantly dissipating. “I'm sorry,” he murmured. “I didn't mean it like that.” Dan took Phil's hands in his own, squeezing them tightly. “You know I don't hate _you_ , right?”

“I know,” Phil said, but his mind was rocketing at a million miles an hour, anxieties and doubts filling his head.

“I just... I hate my parents. And your parents. And whoever started this damned mess.” Dan slammed his head against the tree, small shavings of back fluttering down to the wet earth. “It's pretty much doomed all future generations, hasn't it?”

“Unless we can fix it,” Phil whispered, but the thought seemed too good to be true, so he pushed it aside. “But I think you're right. I think we're doomed.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> aaaaa this one kinda sucks but oh well.  
> Send me prompts on tumblr! I love inspiration!   
> https://invisible-blurryface-ok.tumblr.com/  
> Thank you for reading! Kudos and comments are always appreciated! Love you all <3


	4. I Think It's Arrogance

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Another view might show you what your problem is,
> 
> I think its arrogance.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oh look another one that has nothing to do with the song. this is even worse. i don't know what i'm doing this is awful i'm sorry

“So what, you're saying you don't like me?"  
Dan Howell hated Phil Lester.  
It really wasn't a specific thing, it was more his whole being, Dan decided. Everything from his clothes, to his smug face, to the way he spoke. It irked Dan.  
Especially the way he spoke.  
It wasn't the words he said, rather, it was his tone of voice. So sure of himself, full of confidence.   
So... arrogant.  
Phil leaned over the desk, face hovering over Dan's. He repeated his words, much to Dan's disgust. A wide smirk graced his features.  
“Yes,” Dan forced his voice to be steady. “I'm saying I strongly dislike you, and would rather that you didn't talk to me.” A piece of black hair slipped from behind Phil's ear, falling in front of his face.  
“That can't be true. Everybody likes me.” Phil swiftly turned his gaze to the few girls that stood behind him. They giggled, flipping their hair as he met their eyes. Then he was back to looking at Dan. A hand slowly came up and tucked the lock of black hair further back, once again revealing bright blue eyes that stared right at Dan.   
Dan felt his breathing go a little funny, felt his stomach churn slightly. “G-get away from me,” he said, realizing how much he sounded like a little kid. “I don't want to talk to you.”  
The bell rang just at that moment, and Phil broke into a wide smile. He laughed as he made his way back to his seat, followed by his posse of girls.  
Dan breathed in and out, slowly.   
What the hell was that?  
His hands were trembling slightly. Dan stared at them for a minute as the teacher walked into the room, confused. Eventually they stilled, but he stomach still flopped. Looking up from his desk to stare at the back of Phil's head, who sat only a few desks in front of him, didn't help.  
Dan spent the entire lesson in a daze, completely befuddled. Arguing, bantering with Phil, this was normal. Dan disliked it, his face flushed a dark red as he desperately tried to come up with some comeback that would get Phil off his back. Phil enjoyed it, smirking wildly and saying one snarky, arrogant thing after another. It was something Dan couldn't escape, no matter how much he tried.  
Dan took his head off his desk, where it had been resting for the majority of the lesson. He turns his attention to the front of the class, only to find that Phil was staring at him.  
Dan forced his face to remain neutral. Eventually the bell rang, but Dan sat there for a little bit, a million thoughts running themselves rampant in his mind. Phil passes by, and a small square of paper fluttered down on his desk. Without looking at it, Dan crumpled it into his fist and walked out of class. His eyes were firmly set on the back of Phil's head, and his stomach is churned like mad. Dan's eyebrows were furrowed, but he didn't look at the note until he's in his next class.  
Dan quietly unfolded the piece of paper. He bit his lip, furrowing his brow as he looked across the room, to where Phil sat.   
Why would Phil want to meet with me?   
The mere thought sent something like butterflies bouncing around in his stomach, making him feel a bit queasy. The confusion persisted all throughout class, possibilities forming in Dan's mind. He looked down at his hands, and then back at Phil, who seemed be paying him no mind, uncharacteristically staring straight ahead, paying attention.   
Then, the bell rang.  
The wind buffeted at Dans hair, the locks falling into his eyes and obscuring his vision. He brushed it out of  
his face, hands growing colder by the second. He leaned against the brick wall, a hand pressed to his hair, keeping it out of his face. Phil rounded the corner, walking towards Dan. "Crazy weather we're having, huh?" he said,smirking at Dan.  
Dan could feel his cheeks coloring. "What do you want?" Dan tried to speak defiantly, but his voice faltered, hand lowering to touch his stomach for a second before darting back up to his hair. A fluttery feeling had started again, moving to his chest and making his head feel a little fuzzy. "And where's your little group of fans?"  
"Sent them away," Phil said, waving his hand dismissively. "They don't need to be here."  
Phil stood directly in front of Dan now, faces inches apart. "Let's just keep this between us, hm?"  
Too late, Dan realized what that feeling in his stomach was. He realized it just as Phil shoved his hand up against the wall, trapping it with his own. Fireworks burst in his chest as Phil slammed their lips together, his free hand running through Dans windblown hair. Dan's free hand settled around Phil's hip, pressing tightly to him. A quiet groan escaped Dan's mouth, and Phil took that opportunities to slip his tongue in between his lips. Dan sighed into Phil's mouth, hand coming up to cup his cheek.  
When they broke away, Dan's face was a scarlet red, his lips agape. "I hate you," he breathed out. "You're an arrogant bastard, you know."  
"Oh, I know." Phil leaned in, his hand moving from the wall to Dan's waist. "But I also know you like it."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> you know what they (I) say: if you can't satisfy them with a good, coherent storyline, make it up to them with a makeout scene <3
> 
> Tumblr: https://invisible-blurryface-ok.tumblr.com/   
> prompts yes i love prompts :33333  
> comments and kudos are much appreciated! Thank you <3


	5. Coming Down

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "I found God, I found him in a lover. When his hair falls in his face, and his hands so cold they shake."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> well it may be short but lOOKIT MEEEEEEE it actually relates to the story sorta????? like one lyric but whatever i did it sorta hehe

“God, it's cold!” Dan said loudly. Phil's head popped up, staring at Dan from the other side of the couch. “When are the worker's supposed to get here anyways?”  
“Soon?” Phil shrugged. Their heat had broken a few days ago, and the chilly January weather wasn't helping the situation.  
“Ugh.” Dan flopped into the couch. His head fell backwards onto Phil's leg, who forced his face to remain neutral. “It's so cold.”  
He sat up again, but now he was right next to Phil, who was trying extremely hard to keep his face neutral. The younger boy sighed, leaning his head on Phil's shoulder. His hands curled into fists, covered by the sleeves of his jumper.  
His brown hair was disheveled, falling over his face and int his eyes, but he made no effort to remove it. Phil could just barely see his dark brown eyes peeking out from behind his locks.  
Phil looked down at Dan's hands, which, even though they were tucked in sleeves, were still trembling slightly.  
He smirked. “You really are cold.”  
“Shut up,” Dan said, but he was smiling. “Yes, I'm cold. It's cold in here. How are you so warm?” He laughed a little, pressing his legs against Phil's. A quiet hum escaped his mouth.  
Phil focused on calming his breathing, to stop his breath from coming in light little gasps as Dan lay next to him.  
“Are you alright?”  
Phil turned towards Dan, a forced expression of confusion on his face. “Yes?”  
“Your heart's beating really fast, and your face is all red.” Dan sat up. “Are you overheated? How could you be overheated? This place is a freezer!”  
“Uh-” Phil couldn't really think of much to say, not when Dan's face was right in front of his, with his hair falling into his face, with his curled up hands shaking a little bit. Slowly, Phil reached up, tucking Dan's hair behind his ears.   
Two big brown eyes stared at him, full of confusion. Then they cleared, and Dan looked down, wringing his hards together. His hair fell back into his eyes, and Phil let out a small sigh. Dan looked back up at him in surprise, and Phil took the opportunity to tuck his hair back again.  
Only this time he didn't move his hand off of Dan's face, he only moved it so he was cupping his cheek. A soft breath left Dan's throat, he face blooming a bright red. Phil leaned a little bit closer, entranced by Dan's eyes. Then Dan laughed a little, leaning in to press their lips together for a long, sweet kiss. He set his hand on the back of Phil's head, kissing him deeper. He hummed into Phil's mouth, the noise sending a shiver down Phil's spine. He smiled against Dan's lips, a blush burning on his cheeks.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tumblr: https://invisible-blurryface-ok.tumblr.com/  
> love you all <3 comments and kudos are always appreciated!!


End file.
